Marriage Is not the End Line, Heaven Is

Marriage Is not the End Line, Heaven Is

One among my oldest buddies known as me the opposite day to ask her methods to “get from Level A to Level B” in her relationship relationship. Once I requested her what she meant, she stated, “Marriage simply appears so unimaginable. So far-off. I’ve tried so many occasions to go from relationship to marriage, and it fails each time. So how did you get there?”

I might completely respect her query. It isn’t unusual on the earth or the Church. In our tradition that views marriage because the end-all-be-all, and relationships like performances, it makes excellent sense that she would surprise methods to get to the “end line.”

However that is when it dawned on me that marriage is not the end line, heaven is! I laughed a little bit and informed her, “I am nowhere close to Level B. When my husband and I are on our deathbeds, and we have managed to assist one another keep near God, then perhaps that is once I’d be nearing Level B. So, ‘succeeding’ in relationship is not actually the purpose, anyway.”

When you’re single, and feeling a lot the identical approach as my buddy, let me invite you to view marriage a bit in a different way. It is going to take the strain off of you to “earn” marriage and enable you see potential spouses far more clearly.

Let’s break this down:

Why Marriage Is not the End Line

There are a lot of lovely causes that God created the present of marriage.

Assist and partnership: “The Lord God stated, ‘It isn’t good for the person to be alone. I’ll make a helper appropriate for him.'” Genesis 2:18

Companionship: “Two are higher than one as a result of they’ve a superb return for his or her labor… Additionally, if two lie down collectively, they are going to maintain heat. However how can one maintain heat alone?” Ecclesiastes 4:9

Enjoyment and intimacy: “Let your fountain be blessed, and benefit from the spouse of your youth. She is a loving deer, a swish doe. Let her breasts fulfill you at all times. Might you at all times be captivated by her love.” Proverbs 5:18-19

There are, in fact, many extra. (Right here is a superb article on this subject the place I received these concepts!)

Finally, God makes use of marriage to repeatedly refine our characters to be extra like Jesus to assist get us to heaven. It’s his will that each one of his youngsters will come to repentance with a purpose to be with him (2 Peter 3:9). And if you happen to’ve been a Christian for any interval, you perceive the battle to remain repentant!

So, one of many ways in which God retains us in his fold is thru marriage. We see this in Ephesians 5:25-27: “Husbands, love your wives, simply as Christ cherished the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleaning her by the washing with water by way of the phrase, and to current her to himself as a radiant church, with out stain or wrinkle or another blemish, however holy and innocent.”

Marriage helps to make us holy. And that, thankfully, or sadly, doesn’t occur the second we get married!

Associated: Why Did God Create Marriage within the First Place?

Your Wedding ceremony Day Is Simply the Starting

Each side of a thriving, wholesome, godly marriage takes time. Regardless of how a lot you put together for marriage in premarital counseling or in any other case, you do not say “I do” as an ideal human being. Marriage is a protracted, refining course of.

About this refinement, John Eldredge has this to say in his and his spouse’s e book, Love and Struggle: Discovering the Marriage You have Dreamed Of, “We’re, all of us, totally dedicated and deeply dedicated to our ‘type,’ our ‘approach,’ our ‘lifestyle.’ We’ve got completely no intention of giving it up. Not even for love. So God creates an surroundings the place we’ve got to. It is known as marriage.”

Marriage is a relationship the place all of your ugly character flaws are seen in full show. The place somebody is lastly round you lengthy sufficient to note that your ‘character quirk’ is definitely simply selfishness, and it is also the place you have got somebody to share your every day victories with and who can level out how a lot you’ve got grown, even when you’ll be able to’t see it your self!

The purpose is that marriage is a course of with one finish aim in thoughts: Partnering with one another to stay godly lives right here and everlasting lives in heaven.

It could be such a disgrace if the marriage day was it, and all progress stopped after the cake was lower. When you had to have a look at your partner and say, “Now what…?” However fortunately, God has the right plan.

I defined to my buddy that marriage is sort of a boat you each are paddling on, making an attempt to get to the opposite shore. Sure, speaking, relationship, and courting introduced you to the shore the place you begin this journey–however there’s nonetheless loads of water between the place you might be and your last vacation spot, the place you are each in heaven. The query is, are they a superb rowing accomplice? Would you like them in that boat with you? Are they going to make attending to the opposite shore simpler or more durable?

That, I feel, is far more the aim of relationship. Not to achieve your relationship so you will get married as the top aim–however that you simply really feel assured sufficient with somebody to start out the journey in direction of heaven with them.

What Ought to You Search for in a “Rowing” Companion?

couple romantic in boat

Photograph credit score: ©Getty Photographs/g-stockstudio

There are 1,000 totally different good issues you can search for in a accomplice, however right here is an efficient start line and inquiries to ask your self:

God is on the heart: Do you convey out the very best in one another spiritually? Do you level one another to depend on God and never simply one another? Do they train you issues about God explicitly and/or by way of how lovingly they deal with you?

You’ve got a lot of enjoyable: Are you excited to see them? Do they make the mundane issues in life really feel extra enjoyable? Do you snigger or smile extra if you find yourself with them? Do they make the heavy issues in life really feel lighter?

You belief their character: Do they genuinely apologize after they damage you? Have you ever seen constant progress of their character? Are they dedicated to bettering their non secular lives? Do they respect your boundaries?

Communication is wholesome: Do they take heed to you with out getting defensive, or apologize after they do get defensive? Do they think about you in what they do? Can you completely work by way of battle with out resentment, even if you happen to want outdoors assist? Do they calm you if you talk about issues, or do they make you are feeling extra careworn?

You are good at partnering: Do you’re employed collectively nicely when you have got a typical challenge? Do you respect one another’s opinions? Do you complement one another’s strengths and weaknesses? Do you see a future collectively the place you are each constructing towards one thing significant and Spirit-led?

Every certainly one of these elements is essential to not simply attending to the opposite shore however having fun with life when you get there.

Marriage is an excellent, great present. However it’s in no way the top aim. If it had been, what would we want God for?

Marriage reveals us how a lot we want God to like us as unconditionally as he does. So earlier than you hop into a ship with somebody simply because they make you are feeling good or will look good in your wedding ceremony footage, think about how the remainder of the journey will go. 

And–likewise–if you happen to’re standing on the shore with somebody, however really feel actually assured in the entire above areas, pray to discern if God is taking a look at you, pondering, “What are they ready for?” You do not have to be excellent to get married or need to earn it.

However bear in mind, regardless of if you happen to get married or stay single, God is with you each step of the best way to heaven.

Photograph credit score: ©Unsplash/Pablo Heimplatz

Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor at She sees the act of expression, whether or not by way of writing or artwork, as a solution to co-create with God and expertise him deeper. Take a look at her handmade earring Instagram and Etsy for extra of her ideas on connecting with God by way of inventive endeavors.

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